Christmas IS All About Receiving

                                               


I have so many thoughts to get out of my head that it's just screaming to write it all down.  So here we go..

This Christmas season has been a little different for me.  Normally Christmas is my most FAVORITE holiday ever.  I've always gotten into the "Christmas Spirit" by like September.  The music has always been my favorite, and I love watching for falling snow.  I guess Christmas to me has always been magical.

This Christmas.. something was missing.  Perhaps it was because there was no snow..  Perhaps it was because I just had a heart procedure done and so I got things done early because I HAD to.  Perhaps it was because my parents are so far away and I feel a little more alone.  However, those conditions made it possible for my discovery.  My eyes are tearing up now just thinking about it.  I am so grateful to God that the conditions lined up just right so I could experience this.

For you see, the last couple weeks I have been down in the dumps.  Since I haven't felt the "magic" of Christmas like I normally do, I just felt joy zapped right out of me.  The lights, the music, the presents, all the usual stuff was making me feel like throwing up.  It's been such a draining feeling and I've been feeling like I had to do things just because that's what people expected me to do, like sending presents or going to see Santa.  It wasn't feeling fun to me AT ALL..  I don't like feeling like I HAVE to do things just for the sake of doing them.  But of course, there are some little chicklets who would have been very disappointed because of unmet expectations.  So.. I carried on.  But not very gracefully.  My poor husband had to deal with my constant sadness or upset bouts or depressive comments.  I felt like I didn't really deserve love from anyone including my husband and family because I was behaving so terribly.  Little did I know that love is exactly what I needed to receive.

Yes.. receive.  I discovered first of all that Christmas IS all about receiving.   I kept hearing that I needed to GIVE GIVE GIVE.. and boy was that wearing me out.. especially when I was feeling drained.  I do think that giving is important.. but I think it comes as a result of something..  RECEIVING.  Sometimes it's easy to take that one part out of the formula and focus on what you give.  But without it, there isn't much giving or at least no point in giving.  I discovered that I had already been given the best gifts ever, but I needed to receive them before I felt like loving and giving.  The first gift given to me was Jesus Christ.  Heavenly Father gave me his son.  And he still gives me his son.  My life has been lifted by Christ more than I can even comprehend.  I am grateful for that gift.  So as I have been wallowing in misery, I have prayed (Heavenly Father has also given me himself because I can pray to the master of the universe.  WOW!!).  I told Heavenly Father about how I was feeling and he kept sending me peace through the comforter.  Ka-ching!  Another gift.  The HOLY GHOST!!  Wonderful gift.. gives me direction in life, comfort, strength, you name it.  Wonderful to have that companion by my side.  So as I have opened my eyes to the things around me instead of being a grump staring at my feet or something, I began to look around me.  He gave me this beautiful world.  And it is beautiful and he put all these brothers and sisters here for me to associate with and share love with.  Gee.. These gifts are turning out to be amazing.  Not only that, but he also promises me my body forever and ever.  After death I WILL rise again, no matter what I do.  That is AMAZING!!!  And not only that, but I will be given heaven.  Everyone will be given heaven (unless of course you are one of the most rebellious spirits after having been given the witness of the holy ghost and then denying him, but I hope no one else here will do that.. )!  Wow!!  Heaven for all eternity!!!  And then of course with the gospel of Jesus Christ, couple that with the covenants you can make at the temple and to live in heaven WITH God!!  My heart is bursting right now.  Look at all these blessings.  And then it gets even better.. I can be with my FAMILY forever and ever.

So, I have learned that the Christmas spirit is more than gifts.  It is more than snow and pretty music.  It is about the Saviour and the plan God laid out for his children.  His perfect and amazing plan.  I am celebrating that.  Once I learned I needed to receive these gifts.. suddenly I felt more like giving.  I wanted to look around me and see what things I could give.  I can give myself to my children and my husband.  That probably helped them feel relieved.  :b  I can give myself to my neighbors.. not just through treats and smiles, but through real help and concern.  I can give myself to the church.  I can serve my Great God who has given me his best gifts because I love him and I want to give back to him a LITTLE portion.

My heart is just bursting now with this overwhelming swelling of gratitude for His great goodness.  He has allowed me to go through this process so I could learn more about grief and sorrows that people go through without Him.  He has also shown me he is willing to give me one more gift -the gift of peace.  And THAT my friends, is one GOOD gift!  Without it life is joyless and unfruitful.  Do what you can if you feel down in the dumps this season to pray for that precious gift.  He will give it to you.  He gave it to me many times.. each time I needed it.  But now we come to one last thing.

I have learned something by observing my children this season.  They began feeling entitled.  They felt like they could just call my name and magically they would get whatever their wishes were.  And if for some reason they didn't have it right away, their anger grew into big explosions.  I began to understand something about Heavenly Father through this.  My understanding grew to know that if you want something from Heavenly Father, you have to come to him.  You can't just sit in your comfy chair and say his name in vain hoping he'll come to you for every little thing.  Now perhaps he may come to you from time to time where you are.  But if you want him, just as I had to tell my children (as I was doing a hundred things at once for them), "If you want mommy, you need to come to me and I will help you."  If you want Heavenly Father, you have to go to him and he will bless you with your needs.  You go to him by placing yourself in holy places where HE dwells.  Those places are things like the church, the temple, serving someone else in their homes (because as you become his hands, you become closer to him) and in your closets where you can weep openly to him.  I am grateful I could understand that.  If your prayers seem unanswered, GO to where he is.  Then see what happens.  He will always fulfill if it is good.  I am grateful to him for this.

So, I feel so relieved to get this all out and hopefully it will help some other fellow wallowing spirit out there, because there really can be joy at the end of the dark abyss.  Seek Him and you will find.

Know that I love you because I can feel the love the Saviour has for you.  HE LOVES YOU!!!  Receive him and you will KNOW that!!